If England could cook
by ayanami-verloren
Summary: What if England could cook? Chaos ensues, the world beware...


**Warning:** Personified nations, swearing and a tint of violence. (that's just Russia)

DISCLAIMER: yayyy! I own hetalia my life is now complete! (wakes up from the greatest dream of her life) Urgh… I don't own hetalia and my life is still uncomplete again… sigh. Please continue…

**If England could cook…**

It was another nation's meeting and the nations were starting to arrive at the hotel. Some had already arrived and were lounging in their hotel room or were frolicking at the streets of London. That is if you like rain naturally but for most nations the rainy island was rather dreary and boring, just like its anthropomorphic personification.

America was lounging in his hotel room, playing a new game he got from Japan. He was really having a blast playing but by some occult forces he got bored. Yes people, **Alfred F. Jones got bored while** **playing a video game!** A kickass and totally awesome video game, the type of video game gaming enthusiasts all over the world would die for! But the American was bored and wanted a change of scenery. And that's how he and the countries he dragged, ahem… convinced to come here got into this situation.

**Operation Staking England's House:**

"Now, you people know what to do right?" America whispered, trying to copy the policemen he usually watched in television.

"Mon cher Amerique, we do not even know if Angleterre is there…" the French nation was looking at a certain house down the street, made of red brick and was like the so many old houses in London, also known as Arthur's house.

"And were soaked, aru." China snapped clearly not pleased.

The four of them were standing just a few feet from England's house and were soaked because of the sudden downpour (those very typical in London) just a few minutes ago. America didn't know how he had managed to gathered these three here but by the same occult forces these three were as bored as he was, well bored enough to agree staking England's house that is.

"Comrades, we made an effort to come here so, why don't we just go in already da?" they turned to the Russian nation. Clearly Ivan was annoyed that they got wet and now they were having doubts about their original plot. Maybe Ivan could just go back to what he was originally planning to do to lift his boredom, beating the shit out of other countries, either with his hands or his trusty pipe but most preferably with his pipe.(getting blood on his hands was far too mess) Fortunately for Ivan there were three available here. And that is just what his smile was suggesting to the rest of the unfortunate countries he was currently with. God bless their souls. And with that the arguments were dropped and they positioned themselves at the front door of England's house, mentally praying that the island nation was inside. (America obviously not included because he wasn't afraid of the commie bastard)

They charged the door, just like those on the police shows. Russia didn't help because he might destroy the door with his inhuman strength, not like America and China were any less powerful than him. It's just that they had more self control than Russia especially in the temper department. They continued to assault the poor door for a few minutes, aware of the looks people were sending them.

"Ahh, England must not be here, I'm sure he would have heard us if he was, aru." China was panting.

"I agree, Mon Angleterre is not deaf" panted France spent from all the physical work.

"And besides we cannot get the freakin door open!" whined America.

"Here, comrades let me" Russia stretched his arm towards the door much to the fear that sprung in France's and China's mind. 'Was Russia going to force the door open?'

They're litany of fears were broken by the sound of the door silently opening instead of the crashing crunch of wood they expected. The three were astounded well excluding America who just scowled. 'How come I didn't think of that?' he growled silently.

Ivan just turned the knob of the door. The three were astounded at the same time felt such idiots. Russia just chuckled innocently, seemingly making fun of their stupidity well probably America's

"Comrades, it seems Anglia forgot to lock his door, da?" Russia opened the door motioning/challenging America to enter.

"Yeah, the old man is getting old" Alfred grumbled as he stepped inside followed by France, China and lastly Russia who was clearly enjoying America's annoyance.

They were greeted by an aroma of freshly baked pastries, spices and perfectly blend flavours. Very peculiar for the Brit's house. They tip-toed to the kitchen, Russia just walked gently not wanting to disturb the Brit whatever he was doing. They stood at the door of the kitchen peeking inside. To say that they were shocked would be the understatement of the century.

The personification of the United Kingdom, England itself was **COOKING!** It is contradicting the very flow of the Cosmos here! England was infamous for his horrible cooking skills and monstrous food. This was the person that ruined America's tastebuds! And now the man was cooking and was good at it!

Arthur was wearing a peach coloured apron over his usual green sweater vest and black pants. The apron was loosely tied to the man's waist but strangely showing Arthur's lithe form. He had that serene look on his face as he chops some tomatoes to add to the heated pan on the stove. England looks so lax, so opposite of what he usually looks like in the nation's meetings. He even looks docile.

The four intruding nations all thought 'But that would not explain why he didn't heard us after all the noise we made, that must not be England' well besides 'What the hell is going on here' at least. Then in unison they turned to look at Arthur's head. The guy was wearing headphones, freaking headphones! No wonder he didn't hear them.

England was now adding the chopped tomatoes and onions in the pan and it smelled wonderful. He didn't flail when the oil sizzle, he just calmly added the right amount of water in the pan. Rather expertly if France were to add. He could feel himself turned on by the Brit. (when was he not)

Then he put the lid on the pan and left it aside turning back to the table. In the table there were a bunch of cupcakes, some decorated already, making America want to grab one and pop it in his mouth. The Brit took an icing bag, America usually see it when bakers decorated cakes. Holding the cupcake with one hand England started decorating it with purple icing. After that England looked at the toppings he had on the table. He decided to put a cherry on top. The effect was great, the colour of the icing and the cherry blended together well, unlike most of the weird pastries that America and the rest of the world typically see the Briton make. America started to drool as England continued with the rest of the cupcakes.

England was done with the cupcakes. All he had to do was take the cake out of the oven. He pulled the headphones off and walked to the oven. He wore his fluffy red mittens (a gift from a friend) and carefully opened the oven. He took out the cake meticulously knowing it was hot. And he turned to face the door. He dropped the cake staring at the sight before him. His face blanched, drained of colour.

The intruding nations didn't realize England was looking at them. They were far too busy with their own fantasies. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!" an outraged cry broke them out of their fantasies. They turned to pay attention to the blond haired nation in front of them.

England was seething. His glare is so bloodcurdling that even Russia felt a shiver run through his spine. England resembled a witch that was caught in the act and is going to eliminate the foolish people that discovered his secret. The very thought scared the shit out the four nations faced with a very pissed off Englishman.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" the Brit repeated this time a little bit quieter but still full of malignant. When the other nations just continued to stare, the Brit's anger flared as he reach for the closest thing he could throw, that being, the dropped cake on the floor. He picked up two giant chunks of the ruined cake, anger only getting worse because of the state he saw his cake was in. He threw the largest chunk at France's face and divided the other one and threw it on America and Russia's face. That caused a reaction.

"What the fucking hell are ya doing?" America bellowed

France wiped the cake off his face and said "Mon Dieu, Angleterre. No need to be so violent"

The Brit just spewed fire more after hearing the insults "YOU BLOODY BASTARDS! Get the hell out of my house this instant!

Russia just stared at England. His fingers wiped the cake off his face. He looked at the bits of cake. He was very curious on how England's cooking tasted like. He had never really tasted the man's cooking but he knew better because he heard the rumours surrounding the man's cooking. Now, he wasn't so sure. He took the bits of bread in his mouth. His eyes closed as if concentrating on the taste of the cake.

"It's good"

The three previously fighting countries looked at Ivan. They saw Russia eating the fragments of cake that was on his hand. France and America jolted out of their pissed off selves and looked at England. Arthur was still staring at Russia, embarrassed blush spreading in his face like wildfire. 'Russia is eating my cooking. Only a few nations know about this! If this gets out…' was all the coherent thought on England's mind. His train of thought was interrupted by a munching sound by the kitchen table. England whipped his head towards the table. 'By gods! No!' England was doomed.

He saw America eating the cupcake he just finished decorating. 'He seems to be examining the taste, that git!' A mortified look was painted on England's face when he saw France stirring his Paella, scrutinizing the dish with his expert culinary eye. 'That arrogant, bloody frog.' He felt faint but not until he saw China slumped on his doorway, fainted. 'China fainted! Bloody fainted!'

"China!" England rushed passed Ivan who was now staring at Arthur with curiosity.

The two blond nations that were busy wandering through England's kitchen were distracted. They looked at England who was now cradling a fainted China. They stared like idiots, all three of them that included Russia.

Arthur glared at them. "Well, are you bloody bastards going to help me or not!"

With that Russia and America walked towards England and lifted the Asian nation from England's lanky arms. They laid him down on the couch in the living room, France and England following them. 'Well at least I got them out of my kitchen' with that the British nation let out a sigh. 'It's going to be hell explaining this to them'

With China laid down the tension rose again, suffocating the smallest nation in the room Arthur was about to walk back to the kitchen but was stopped by a hand around his wrist. It was America. Not only America but France was also looking at him, obviously demanding an explanation.

England tugged vainly on his wrist. He glared at America, signaling that he wanted his wrist back. "I'll explain everything when China wakes up. Now let me clean the mess you bloody gits made in my kitchen and I'll get a glass of water for China as well." with that America let go of England wrist and they watched the man disappear in the hallway leading to the kitchen.

**After a few minutes…**

The five of them were sitting in England's kitchen. England insisted they talk about this in the living room but America was stubborn and said that it should be in the "scene of the crime". France agreed, China agreed as well having recovered from the shock. Russia just went with whatever they said. And now they're awaiting an explanation on how the world proclaimed worst cook was not only able to cook and bake but was an expert (a fact denied by England but was opposed by France, France can tell amateurs from experts)

Arthur sighed. "Alright you caught me. I know how to cook" when he saw Alfred about to interrupt him he glared at the younger nation. "Alfred, I'm not finished" America beamed at the use of his human name but he now knew that Arthur was serious, not only Alfred knew this but the rest of the nations gathered here acknowledged it as well.

"So what, if I could cook, I do not see the value of telling it to you, so I didn't" Arthur deadpanned.

Francis stared at Arthur, anger welling in his violet eyes. "But, Angleterre, we saw your blunders on lots of dishes before. Mon dieu, have you been playing with us this whole time?"

Arthur looked at Francis. "No, those were really blunders France. I cannot cook for other people. It's hard to explain…" Arthur lowered his head and stared at the floor. 'God, admitting this to France and America is a lot harder than admitting it to others. To make it worse Russia and China were also here. I never thought I would be forced to admit it to them as well'

"Why is that, da?" Russia asked innocently. England just blinked his eyes to see if it wasn't just a trick of his worn-out mind. The rest stared at Russia as if he grew a second head that is until they realized that it was the most appropriate question in the moment. Taking the silence as an invitation to continue Russia did.

"Why can't Anglia cook for other people? Anglia seems to be a very good cook. He isn't like what the rumours say. I tasted Anglia's baked cake and it tasted nice, though it would have tasted much nicer if it didn't get ruined. And I think anyone who said that Anglia is a horrible cook must be fools" Russia smiled at England.

England felt his cheeks flushed at the compliment. There were only few countries that knew he can cook. Whenever he tried to show that to the world he messes up. Anxiety gets to him and he becomes all clumsy and nervous and sometimes causes his magical aura to pour into his cooking thus ruining it. It was anxiety and he was embarrassed to admit that to other people. Being praised by other people besides the once who knew his secret for years and by the magical creatures in his house was new to him. He lowered his head again, in an attempt to hide the spreading blush on his face.

France and America just frowned. They were one of those nations that said England was a "horrible" cook. But who can blame them? Have you honestly seen England's cooking? Any nation would assume the same thing when you knew the island nation as long as they did. But now they were having doubts.

China reached for a cupcake that was in the plate and proceeded to taste it, to see if Russia was right. "But the question is, why can't you cook for other people,aru." He takes a bite on the cupcake. "If you can cook like this, why do you let your self be humiliated by France aru?" he said more to himself but the others heard.

"I-I d-don't r-really know how to explain" Arthur's head still low.

"I think you know the answer to that." America looked grim, voice serious. So serious that England looked up to see a very serious and pissed off Alfred. Arthur was suddenly scared.

The tension was so thick you could cut with a spoon. Alfred was intent on knowing the reason why Arthur hid this from them, from him. He sort of felt betrayed that he didn't know about this. They had a "special relationship" damn it. He was supposed to know, it was his right.

Francis was very ticked off as well, not only on Arthur but on himself as well. He should have known this. They were childhood friends, once married and still had a strong relationship. They're entire existence was so intertwined that even America wouldn't be able to break it. How could he have not known this? He was like the biggest nation gossiper alive well second to Poland but nonetheless he should have caught a whiff of it, especially since it was about Arthur. The very thought of Arthur hiding something this big from him sickened the Frenchman.

Ivan was just concerned about Arthur for the moment. The two larger nations were making Arthur nervous and Ivan didn't like it all. He didn't know why but he wanted to hit the two bullying countries with his pipe (preferably multiple times) and hide England away from them. If England didn't want to tell them, they should just leave it like that. Ivan nodded silently agreeing with himself. Lastly, Arthur seems to be in deep contemplation as well a mix of anxiety and irritation. He was starting to look very pale.

China was just amused at his companion's actions. It wasn't everyday you find out England can cook nor you see these sides of these nations you rarely see. But why would England hide something like this? Yao knew about Arthur's unbreakable pride and this would certainly boost the man's ego. Arthur no longer had to take the ridicule of other countries and England would have gotten rid of his reputation as the most horrible cook in the world. So why? England seems to cook just fine, he's even good at it. America and France had always said Arthur's cooking was horrible, but England seems to flunk just in front of them and well the rest of the world but for some reason England fails harder in front of them. 'I wonder why?'But then something clicked on Yao's mind. He should have guessed it. The island nation did look nervous towards these people.

Yao cleared his throat, getting the attention of everyone I the room. He turned to face England. "England, is your problem nervousness, do you have… anxiety?" Yao smiled as he saw Arthur's face blanched as if his secret was exposed. Well China isn't the oldest country for nothing. He should have known it from the very first time England denied that he was any good at cooking and he cannot cook for other people. He noticed it when England started fiddling with the hem of his vest, it's rare to see Arthur like that.

"Is that true, mon ami?" asked France

England just gripped his vest harder, fist getting paler. 'Damn it. Bloody hell, damn it'

America looked at England. It was obvious that China had hit the mark. 'But England had nothing to be anxious about. Right?'

England finally lifted his head to look at the nations in his kitchen in the eye. Well, since the rabbit was out of the bag might as well tell it to them. 'I just hope I wouldn't be bloody regret this'

"Yes, Francis. It's bloody true, alright." He sighed.

"But I do not understand. You don't have anything to be anxious about." Alfred said looking Arthur straight in his eyes.

England snorted. "Yeah right, having the rest of the world to expect you to mess up isn't something to be anxious about, huh. But they don't really matter at all because I do not care about them."

France and America felt they were hit by ten pound cannonball. They were one of those people who expected the Brit to fail on his culinary aspects.

"The more I want to please a person the more I fucking mess up. That's the reason why I always screw up when I cook for America." England whispered it but they heard it.

"And I get nervous when cooking for others especially for France because they're great cooks and I'm afraid I'll make a mistake. That's about it really" with that England took a cupcake out of the plate and started to eat it, not really minding the awed looks he was receiving due to his confession. Actually it felt nice to be able to tell that to France and America.

There was silence but it was welcomed. This is the type of silence that came after a confession but it wasn't tense since the confession sunk in nicely.

"So can we eat dinner here, then?" asked America, happy smile on place again.

France nodded in agreement. "Qui, that would be nice."

Russia smiled at England "Yes, I would like to taste more of your cooking, Anglia"

England looked at China. China just smiled silently asking permission to stay as well.

"Well, I don't see any harm in it" England said, standing to prepare the dinning table.(He was also as red as a ripe tomato)

**After dinner: (when they were about to leave)**

"That was great! I'm so full." America said

They were standing at the front porch of England's house. They had the Paella for dinner and it was delicious. They were still freaked out about the fact that England can cook but they weren't really complaining. Arthur is a good cook and they just wished they have known sooner. And now they were saying their goodbyes because there is a meeting tomorrow and they have to get some rest.

England smirked at America. "You should watch your weight. You're growing sideways instead of upwards, you git"

"Mon cher Angleterre. You'll make a very good wife now, qui." France purred seductively

"Sod off you frog, and I don't intend to cook for you nor marry you again" England glared at the frog.

"Anglia, thanks for the cupcakes. I'll eat them at my room. I would like to eat some of you cooking soon da." Russia smiled at England. England just smiled back.

China looked at England. "I'm sorry if I imposed myself." He looked weary at England.

"Its fine I guess, other countries would have found out about it any time soon" England let out a shaky laugh.

America stared at England. "You mean were not the only ones who knew about t

"Yes, of course, you git." Arthur laughed gaily.

"Who are they Angleterre?" France's voice sounds so serious that England stopped laughing. The tone of France's voice made England realized the mistake he had done.

He saw the three of them looking at him, seriously and scary.(not counting China) England felt afraid, not for him but for the nations that knew about his cooking escapades. Beads of cold sweat were starting to form in Arthur's forehead.

"That's none of your business you gits!" he shouted hoping it will lift the dark atmosphere.

Russia smiled that absolutely creepy smile of his. "But, Anglia don't you think it's unfair other nations found out before us, you're allies." his childish voice hinted with venom.

"Well that is private business so, yes it's only fair that I hid it from you"

China cleared his throat to break the tension between his allies "We'll see you tomorrow, England. Good night." China dragged the other three away looking back to England to smile at him.

England went back inside "Thank god for China…" he murmured as he closes the door, this time making sure to lock it.

When he got inside a figure emerge from his kitchen. England wasn't surprised about the intruder, after all he did invite him for dinner which his allies ate. The man didn't look mad though, even if his dinner was eaten by others. He wore a smirk though eyes were glinting with something akin to malice and amusement. The man strode closer to England. The Englishman thought there was something wrong with his smile. (His smirks aren't really rare, well for England anyway. England saw him smile every time England and him have dinner and they have been having dinner together for years) He could tell. Arthur him for a long time and was one of the handful of nations that knew about England's secret. He was also one of the people England felt comfortable cooking for even if the said nation was watching him. (an achievement really…)

"So they know already? hmmm~" he asked with a serious voice, although he knew the answer already. The man leaned closer to England, towering him.

The Brit sighed. He looked up straight at the man's intense eyes. "If you're so pissed off because they ate your dinner, I'll cook something else for you then" the Brit walked towards the kitchen, not really noticing that the man was pissed off not by the ruined dinner but was pissed of by the ruined dinner "date" though Arthur still refuses to acknowledge it as such.

Unknown to Arthur the man was looking at him, gazed lingered at the Englishman. Eyes glinting with jealousy, silently wishing that the others didn't find out his and England's secret. With that he sighed and followed the Brit in the kitchen. 'Well at least I can watch him this closely' the man smiled. This was seriously going to an interesting meeting.

The end?

I was reviewing for my exams when this tiny plot bunny sprung in my head. The little guy was like screaming "ENGLAND CAN COOK!" I tried to dismiss the stupid plot bunny because I was bleeding reviewing for my fucking exams damn it! It wasn't funny how these plot bunnies just pop in specially when I'm doing something very important! But my mind was already influenced by the tiny plot bunny and it got bigger and bigger! And so the plot bunny won and I was forced to abandon my studies (to hell with exams!) and this was born.

I was thinking of extending this. What do you think? Just review and voice it out people! AND NO FREAKING FLAMERS! Okay bye-bye… ZZZZZZZZ(catching some needed sleep)


End file.
